i would punch a child for taco bell
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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