Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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