I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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