Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
