i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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