Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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