I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I could make wine with my vomit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
