if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
