I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
