I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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