You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
