her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
