Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
