he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
