My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just threw up on my dentist
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just invented taco cereal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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