just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
