I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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