ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
