At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize