I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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