Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.