So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...