Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
