God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
