Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
