the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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