i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
