Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
