Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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