Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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