NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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