there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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