All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
