'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
