you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
