dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
