My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
