last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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