i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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