I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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