That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
