Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
