You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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