There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
