Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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