What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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