Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
