Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
