I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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