HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
