Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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