I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
PANTIES FOUND
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