listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
