We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
