If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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