Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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