me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
