i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
