sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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